zoloft dreams

i don't really know what's causing the phenomenon, but the fact of the matter is i have been having some really strange dreams lately. they've been amazingly detailed and vivid. i try to write them down when i wake up. here are a few of the more interesting ones.

January 31, 2003

i was inside this house that looked normal on the outside, but on the inside it was all dark and industrial treehouse looking... and it was kind of like a cult going on inside the house... some kind of group that i no longer wanted to be a part of... so i said good bye to my friends inside and gathered up my things... but there was a puppy that needed to go with me... so i picked up the puppy and put him in my suitcase, but i had to leave all my clothes behind. so i put the suitcase with the puppy in it on the curb at the bus stop in front of the house. but i kept missing the bus... every time it came by i was inside the house talking to someone or hiding from someone or getting something for the dog... then i went back outside and the dog had pooped in my suitcase. and as i was cleaning it up the bus slowed down and stopped but they wouldn't let me on because i had the dog... the thing was i had to have the suitcase closed so no one would know i was trying to sneak a dog onto the bus with me. i remember standing on the curb carefully holding this suitcase in my arms watching the back of this bus... with people on it... they weren't looking at me... and someone turned toward me... and i waved to try to get it's attention... and the thing about being inside the house it was kinda creepy in there, like i realized that it was something that i was mistakenly sucked into liking, but truly it was wrong and i had to get the dog away from it... 

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March 7, 2003

last night i dreamt there was a midget on an airplane drink cart trying to go down a freight elevator in a parking garage. but then the elevator got stuck and people were piling up on the queue so me and a guy walked down the stairs to find out what was going on and when we got down there the midget was gone so we climbed down into the elevator because it was stuck between floors but then a small dog jumped down on me from the floor above and i got scared and woke up.

um... yeah.

March 10, 2003

i had two really bad dreams last night. is that what i get for watching 'boomtown' before bed? i don't think so, but they were both about me breaking someone out of prison or smuggling something out of prison and getting caught. it was terrible terrible...

i had a box full of stuff and in between two books was a letter i was smuggling out for a prisoner and i had left the prison before, and no one checked my stuff so i thought it was ok. frank and his daughter were with me and the guards stopped us and brought us into a room to search our things. they told us to leave while they did it. i saw them start to dust my box for fingerprints and also go through my books page by page. i was terrified. but we had to leave the room so we went to a little kiosk to get food and i was standing there with a drink when two guards walked up to me and escorted me back to the room and i just kept thinking how terrible it was that his daughter was going to be put in jail for something i did. then i woke up and was terrified. : / bleh.

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March 15, 2003

i dreamed wolverines and big crawling bees without wings were invading my grandmother's house and i was the only one who knew how dangerous they were. no one else seemed quite as concerned as i was. my aunt and her husband were there, my mom, my grandma, some red headed boy, and my uncle norman.  and i was only armed with a hammer. 

i brought us to the safest room in my grandmother's house, the one that was my aunt's room because the direction the wolverines were coming from was the opposite corner of the house. whenever one of my relatives would let an animal in i had to go pound it's head with the hammer to kill it. it was terrible, i was the only one who cared that the animals were dangerous.

there were visions of where the wolverines and bees were coming from, it was like they were flying low through the grand canyon like flying squirrels. it was all brown and yellow and they were bearing their teeth and going really fast, they were on a mission to attack us.

occasionally i thought about where i could have sex with the red headed guy without my family knowing. then we were watching the news and we found out my aunt was pregnant again. she and i went into the kitchen, and dave was there. she told him she was pregnant again, and they were really happy, and then i suggested it was twins again and she laughed and said that was a mean thing for me to say. 

then mom and i went outside to get something from the car. but instead of the driveway it was a giant parking garage, my car was on the street level. by this time my dog latte was with us and she kept trying to be jumpy like a wolverine, but she kept hitting her head on shit and i had to watch her and try to pick her up to carry her. at one point she tried to jump on a swing we were walking past and she jumped up there and immediately got her leg caught in the chain of the swing and fell backwards and hit her head on the pavement. all the time we were outside i was paranoid about the wolverines getting into grandma's house without me being there to protect everyone. 

Moral of the story: don't watch animal planet while falling asleep.
March 17, 2003

last night i had the strangest dream. we were on a cruise ship/navy vessel (my boyfriend was in the navy years ago) i dreamt that i had a penis, and it was my boyfriend's only i couldn't work it right, so i spent the whole dream looking for him. i finally found him working the radar station, he was in uniform and he had to stay there cause he was on the navy side of the boat and i was on the cruise ship side.

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March 26, 2003

last night i dreamt i was leaving my mothers house very late at night, traveling down a dark country road in my clunky pick up truck. i rolled over a hub cap in the road and then, with two flat tires, i careened off an embankment and tumbled sideways rolling the car down the hill... i remember the fear, and i remember the shock at still being alive. i climbed out of the truck and scrambled painfully back up the side of the hill and on the road across the street from where i stood i saw a Kentucky Fried Chicken with the lights still on inside. i walked in and told the two girls there that i just crashed my car could i use their phone. they said i could not, they were closing the store. they did seem concerned for me though and pointed out a phone booth across the street. i was so dazed i didn't realize i had change in my pocket, so i asked one of the girls for some change. i called my mother and asked her to come get me, but she said she was gone to bed already, that i should call my boyfriend instead. but i didn't have anymore change. i was standing in front of a white one story house directly across the street from the KFC with no money, bruised and battered, lonely and scared. and no one seemed to be worried about me. they all thought i was ok enough to get by. then i woke up.

April 5, 2003

last night i dreamt i was riding on this train/mass trans thing and i was all spazzing out walking down the aisle. i thrust my arms out behind me and accidentally grabbed this guy's testicles and then HE freaked out and his friend called the cops. two hot lady cops come up to me and one is kinda standing up patrolling around me, asking questions of the other two guys and the other lady cop sits across from me and she's like... Oh, that's a nice ring, can i see it? so i held out my arm so she could look at my ring... i notice her looking at my inner elbow and she looks up at the other lady cop and says "no tracks" like she didn't really want to see my ring, she was getting me to extend my arm so she could see if there were needle tracks in my arm. then she asked me if i was feeling ok. and i told her what happened was just an accident, i was kinda hyper and i just slipped... then i woke up.

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April 10, 03

the first thing i remember is my grandmother wanting to snort a line of crystal meth with me. and she had me put it out on the third step from the bottom and leave it there. i thought that was weird cause the steps were carpeted but she thought that this afforded us some camouflage. so i did my line then went in to the kitchen and sat down at the table. my mom and aunt and uncle were there and my grandfather too. i was looking through his wallet and all he had in there were really old pictures. then i notices a paper envelope that had apparently came with the wallet for the purpose of putting pictures in. we all giggled at how grandpa had these really old pictures strewn about his wallet instead of putting them in the envelope, as had been suggested by the wallet manufacturer. it seemed like maybe i was making this big fuss in order to give grandma time to go do her line. so eventually she took the hint and got up, but my uncle thought something was fishy so he followed her in a couple minutes to the stairs. then i followed him in order to protect her, and i sat down right on top of the step where the drugs were. then he left and grandma said she already did hers and that we should go to that weekly concert in the park that we hadn't been to forever. there was a big part of the dream about finding the park cause we hadn't been there in so long, somehow i ended up without grandma, but i don't really remember this part of the dream. i do remember toward the end of that part when i released someone's parking break on purpose so her car would bump in to another car so she would be occupied and stop bitching at me. at this point i left and found myself in a bar where i was only one of the two hearing people there. everyone else was hearing impaired, but not totally deaf. one man kept ordering a mug of orange. he meant a mug of beer, and i translated and he was thankful. the next think i know i'm following the character "rabbit" from the winnie the pooh books down the freeway, we're both running along looking for an exit but i keep losing sight of him. i yell up ahead to take the next exit, but we miss that one, it came up too fast, so he takes the next one and it's a rabbit hole... i remember calling down to him to come get me... i saw him bounding up the sides of the hole to come for me and that's when i woke up.

July 19, 2003

been asleep for almost 24 hours str8. i don't remember the little details, although there were a lot of them... this is all i remember...

had a dream i was with a middle aged black man and we were climbing this big ass tree behind the house we were staying in and i saw a giant swimming pool at the edge of the lake behind a house and there were two little girls playing in it so i jumped out of the tree into the pool and then started talking to the lady who lived in the house and she kidnapped my brother and told me she'd take me to him...

had another dream that my dog was being chased by lions and i was the only one willing to protect her from them... she had her tongue bitten in two and it was barely dangling on, we were in a big metal cage that didn't seem strong enough to hold the lions at bay... and then we were in a winnebago, but the door was open and the lions could just walk right in and i kept trying to keep her behind me but she thought she could fight them off...

then i had a dream i was driving through mountain freeways in nevada, i ran into my dad in a bar at a shopping mall and he lit up a cigarette, i told him you can't smoke indoors, but i'd forgotten it was nevada, and that's ok there. then my dad bough me a birthday cake, but when it came it said happy birthday joe.

i don't remember how it came to this, but i woke up in a car with my mother and her husband from ten years ago they told me they found me on a beach (a beach in nevada? uhhh... ok.) with some strange man and that they saved me from him, but all i wanted to do was go back cause i knew that it was isi i'd spent the night on the beach with.

crazy zoloft dreams.

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July 25, 2003

extremely intense... farmer's market dream?

i had a dream that everyone that i work with was in a big pile up car accident. i was sitting on the curb infront of the circle K and all these cars just started plowing in to eachother right in front of me. i had  just sold this girl my 240z... so it was her problem now.

i kept walking back and forth between the circle K and this big white acadian style house with all the mossy trees like back home... all the people that had survived the accident were sitting under the trees in the yard or on the big concrete steps leading up to the house.

and everytime i went to say i was sorry to the girl who had bought my car... sorry she was in an accident, sorry that all this had happened... all i could do was be mean to her. saying things like... "sucks to be you!" and for a moment i was at my grandmother's house and i told her about my car being in an accident. i told her i had just sold it to this girl, and then a couple hours later it was totalled. she dropped to her knees and said "thank god!" that i had sold the car...

then there were horses that were injured in the accident limping down the street pulling caskets of the people who'd died in the wreck. and all i could do was laugh when i really wanted to cry. all i could say was "too bad" when i really wanted to say i'm sorry...

fucking zoloft.

fucking me.


Aug 2, 2003

Some friends thought it would be fun to take me to this place... how do i describe it... it was like a compound... but for entertainment... kinda like at jazz fest in new orleans... how it's built all in that horse racing place... so we drive through the gates and get out and walk and it's all these huge cages in little valleys in the grassy hills with girls in them but there are mcdonalds booths and stuff... anyway the police raided and we were forced into pretending we lived in the surrounding houses... for years. we were trapped there. and any men i ran in to were really creeps. trying to get sex or whatever. but i lived in a really pretty house with a girl... there was so much more to this dream that i can't remember. i just woke up 5 mnutes ago. it was so scary. not being able to leave... oh well.

october/ november... just keep having dreams where bees are chasing me... when they sting me i wake up... lots of bee dreams.